As 2013 comes to a close

As the year winds down, I reflect on the standout items of 2013, choices that left my heart full and my soul happy:

• Starting graduate school at Northwestern - the Master’s in Learning and Organizational Change (MSLOC) program has blown me away as have my program peers and the faculty. I am inspired by what I am learning and it is exciting to apply program concepts within my professional and personal life. I have now survived two quarters and am looking forward to starting the third in January!
• Working with my son to create the Global Water for Local Food campaign on charity: water - our first service project together allowed us to contribute on a global and local level, to make new friends, and to know that we used our time to make a positive difference in others’ lives. Thanks to everyone who contributed, we raised $850 to fund a clean water project in a developing nation (more updates to come!) and are well on our way to matching that amount in food items for our local food bank! Our latest drop off was just yesterday. :) Oliver has amazed me with his earnest interest, personal character and maturity as we’ve gone door to door collecting food.
• Becoming a facilitator for the California PTA's School Smarts program - an amazing opportunity to grow as a person, meet other parents of young children and be a part of their journeys through the education system. Putting myself out there as a facilitator was out of my comfort zone and often nerve-racking. I’m not a natural public speaker, but am getting the hang of it. The experience reinforced for me that facing fears rewards in countless ways. I look forward to facilitating at another of our Alameda elementary school this January!
• Cutting my hair and getting a dog - these certainly sound less monumental than the previous items! But honestly, they are some of the biggest decisions of the year because they physically represent my acknowledgement that life is short and needs to be fully embraced without fear. I have accomplished that this year. I have confidence that life always works out and that by making bold and thoughtful choices it is ever richer. (Thank you to the Up series for pushing this mindset shift along. If you haven't watched it, do!) And on a side note, loving my hair and our dog Henry is a sweet, rambunctious little soul. More bold choices sure to come in 2014!
• Celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary - in May, we attended my cousin's beautiful wedding. Married within a day of my husband's and my 10 year anniversary, what better way to pay tribute to a life of committed love than by celebrating the start of another. :) Through the years, there have been ups and downs, as in any marriage. Today, I look at us and say, "YES!" we are a strong couple that has navigated those ups and downs and come out stronger for them. And while we can't ever know with certainty what the road ahead holds, I have faith that my partner and I will travel the road together. On to the next 10 years!

2013 confirmed that when I follow my heart, all aspects of my world naturally connect. And though it can be daunting to pave a new path, it is continually exciting and fascinating as well. Approaching my 37th birthday, I embrace the wisdom I’ve developed so far and look forward to the new lessons of 2014. As for goals? Hmmm...more blogging?

Love, Hope and Joy to all! 

Serving others - never too early (or late!) to start!

We're doing it!  -  http://my.charitywater.org/global-water-for-local-food-campaign

For a long time, I’ve felt strongly that I want to raise my kids to be “good members of society”. What that means to me is that they will be caring, compassionate people who know the world is greater than themselves, that communities work best when everyone participates and that service is important. But how can I take my words and give them true meaning? How do I instill the importance of this value in my children? The best answer I came up with was modeling. I need to show them with my actions - on a consistent basis. 

So about a month ago, I started researching how to get more involved, how to give back in a few different ways. My son and I were in the car one day, and I mentioned a couple of the opportunities I found: 1) picking up litter to keep bird and animal habitats clean and 2) collecting food for the local food bank to make sure people had enough to eat. I wasn’t surprised that he was really into the first one - he’s a nature-loving kid, always interested in exploring and observing. He’s a kid who, at three, exclaimed as we pulled off the freeway, “Mom, look at all that litter!...It makes my heart hurt.”

The surprising thing was that he was really into the food bank idea, too. Maybe it was the context. When I mentioned it, I had tried to put it in a perspective he’d understand - snacks. I said, “You know how you ask me for snacks all the time, and I always have something for you? Some kids ask their parents for snacks and their parents feel really bad because they have nothing to give them.” My son replied in horror, “What?! No snacks?!” I said, “Yep, and sometimes kids even have to go to school feeling hungry because their families don’t have enough food for a good breakfast.” Again, horror, “Really?!”. I continued, “But there are people who work really hard to make sure everyone does have enough food. And we can actually help them if we want to. Are you interested in helping them with me?” I got a resounding YES. Awesome, I thought. As we closed the conversation I promised to look into how we could get started.

A few nights later, my husband brought another charity to my attention - charity: water. I watched a video of the founder explaining the org’s mission and how he had gotten started (http://www.charitywater.org/about/scotts_story.php). Incredibly inspiring. And very simple - clean, safe water for people in developing nations. I was impressed by the transparency and impact of their donation model. 100% of donations go directly to water projects, not overhead. Plus, they’ve incorporated technology that enables donors to see the actual impact they’ve made on communities. What a great way to inspire people to participate and give! 

All of this reminds me that no matter how big or small an initiative is, individuals make things happen in this world - individuals who act and make choices to serve in some way. And what a wealth of opportunities are at our fingertips! So many ways to give and help. It’s inspiring to reflect on how many people are out there doing good work in this world. 

There are thousands of global and local organizations out there. It makes sense to have both because basic human needs are met when we focus globally and locally. Everything and everyone are interconnected in some way. We can’t ignore the larger world, but we can’t ignore our home communities either. 

So here’s how my son and I are getting started. We will volunteer to clean up habitats once a month. That one is a given. :) But we also agreed that helping people meet basic human needs - having enough food and clean water - is something we want to be part of. We came up with the idea of doing a two-for-one initiative. Let me explain more. We started a campaign on charity: water (the link above) where friends and family (and anyone else!) can donate to fund a clean water project. For every dollar that gets donated to charity: water, my son and I will go out and get a matching food donation for the Alameda County Community Food Bank. We will do this by going door do door in our neighborhoods and also organizing food drives in our community. $5 to Charity Water = 5 boxes/cans of food to the Food Bank.

Below are our sources of inspiration. Take a look!

• charity: water - www.charitywater.org
• Alameda County Community Food Bank - http://www.accfb.org/
• East Bay Regional Park District - http://www.ebparks.org/getinvolved/volunteer/operations 

And if you want to support us, please do! Donate to our charity: water campaign and raise the bar on how much food we will collect!  - http://my.charitywater.org/global-water-for-local-food-campaign 

Getting involved...For me, better late than never...For my son, never too early. :) I’ll keep you updated on our progress!!

Why we should tweak the Golden Rule

I was watching a kids show with my daughter this morning, and a bunch of the characters had given birthday presents to another character. The birthday character didn’t like the presents - but why? It turned out that each of the “givers” had considered what they would want if it was their birthday and given that as a gift. Not surprisingly, the birthday character was disappointed. Ultimately, they all learned the underlying lesson and everything was right with the world again. But this reminded me of some important life skills - being “other-focused” and “knowing your audience”.

For a long time, one of my pet peeves has been the “Golden Rule”. Why? Because it states, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Now you may wonder why that simple, lovely statement puts me off. I first want to acknowledge that I understand that the intention of the statement is good - we want people to be kind to each other, not to do harm. BUT, this message needs to be tweaked. Instead of framing the situation around myself, I should be framing it around the other person. “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” This puts the focus on the other person. After all, if I frame my thinking around my needs and desires, how is that honoring the other person as an individual? 

So often it’s easy to operate in a self-centered way, even when we have the best intentions. For example, I go and visit a sick friend because after all, I would want company if I were stuck at home. I bring my son balloons after a big performance because, after all, I used to love balloons as a kid. I give my employees autonomy to “run with it” because, after all, that’s what I want from my manager.

(We don’t always consciously say the “because after all” part of those sentences, but our subconscious leaks it into our thinking a lot of the time.) 

In reality, my sick friend likes being home alone when she’s sick because she gets the chance to watch Netflix streaming. Though she feels lousy, she relishes the time to be alone and indulge in guilty pleasures. My son would have rather had glow sticks or a blow pop than balloons. And my employee is actually more comfortable checking in with me rather than “running with it”.

My intention in each of the situations was to be thoughtful, but while that was my intention, I missed the mark because I framed my action around myself. If I had really “known my audience” in each of the situations and actively been “other-focused”, my actions would have been different. Sometimes it’s impossible to know exactly what someone else needs or wants, I admit. But often, if I really think about it, I can put myself if their shoes, though it may take a little more thought (or a little more attention up-front). If I really don’t know, maybe that’s when I should ask instead of assume - give the other person options and see what’s best for them. 

I ask for your thoughts - How often do we categorize people based on limited information, assume we know them, determine what’s best without inviting them to share their thoughts? How much could we increase happiness, motivation, inspiration, productivity, collaboration, learning if we actively engaged our colleagues, children, spouses, friends, family in a way that truly honored their needs and wants in concert with our own? What training / coaching / education / tools do we need to spur this type of mindset shift in our communities, organizations and homes?

Some of you may already be experts with these skills - please share your knowledge and thoughts with others so that they can become experts, too. And I'll take your advice as well - please leave a comment!

Until next time.

Life's Path

This blog is about the path. Life’s path. And all that goes with it. At 36 years old, I am on my authentic path - I know what issues I care about and am working hard to make a difference. This blog will mainly serve as a platform to connect around those issues, share what I’m doing and my thoughts, get your thoughts in return. So, what do I care about?

acting for the good of society

leading with bravery and compassion

empowering the next generation with life skills

confidently living dreams

tapping into little things that bring joy

achieving work/life balance

inspiring and being inspired by others

Why do I care about these things? Because I’m a woman, a wife, a mom of two, a daughter, a friend, a community member, a former corporate leader, a coach, a student, and...a person who took 33 years to find the confidence to follow my dreams. For a long time I struggled with the purpose of life - what was it? Looking back, I can understand why I didn't know - I wasn’t emotionally connected to the activities I was putting my energy into. I was driven by the “should” messages I heard so often in my head, trying to be perfect in the eyes of everyone else. Living like that, feeling so disengaged, almost cost me my marriage. Wake up call. I had to admit that perfection didn’t exist. I had to embrace authentic imperfection. I made changes, got in touch with my own dreams and started moving them forward. I've been on this new path for the last three years. It feels much better. 

I hope to inspire my kids to follow their hearts and live full out, to be good citizens and leaders in their lives, wherever their paths take them. I hope to increase my thoughtfulness and knowledge about these issues I listed. This blog is one of the ways I can do that. My thoughts will be works in progress - ever evolving. I look forward to learning from your experiences if you choose to share them. Here’s to many mind-expanding exchanges. :) Onward.